The postman doesn't ring twice. In fact, he doesn't even ring once.

i have a love/hate relationship with my postman.  the problem is, they keep switching on me.  i don't know if the route is unassigned, or they're playing round robin, or what.  what ends up happening is i have a postman i really like for about 2-3 months, and then someone new starts delivering the mail.  which is how i ended up with the idiot who is currently delivering, or as it turns out, really NOT delivering the mail.

i don't think it's too much to ask for packages to be delivered to the door.  that's the protocol.  if it doesn't fit in the mailbox, it goes to the doorstep.  you're talking a few steps, not trekking across the sahara.  so yesterday, i watch my postwoman (cause now we've got a lazy girl, instead of a lazy guy) try to balance a package on TOP of the mailbox.  i feel like i shouldn't have to point out that the top of a mailbox is rounded, people.  so, as any intelligent person would expect, the package fell right off the top of the mailbox.  the postwoman watches the package fall, and then tries to balance it on top of the mailbox AGAIN.  she watches the package fall to the ground, shrugs her shoulders, gets in the truck, and DRIVES AWAY.  she actually spent about twice the time doing that whole balancing thing than it would have taken to walk the package to the front door.

i don't personally spend time wondering why the postal service is going bankrupt and is riddled with issues.  if that's the best they can do, then it's gonna be all downhill from here.

xoxo and all that sappy crap,

mrs. awesome

Oh I see....the registers close AUTOMATICALLY. It's clearly out of your hands.

my life is constantly on the run.  so, although i don't really like it, a lot of the time i am running through stores in the 30 minutes before closing time.  i try to be conscientious, and be checked out by the time the store is closed....because it sucks to work late for customers who just don't care that your store is closed.  i get it.  but there are 2 things i CAN'T STAND about shopping right before closing time.

1) i know that you don't want people to stay past closing.  i know there are jerky people who would continue to shop.  therefore, i see the need for those pesky "we're about to close" loudspeaker announcements.  what i can't abide is the need to say, very very specifically, what time it is, and how many minutes until closing.  tj maxx and marshalls are the worst at this.  really?!? you couldn't stick to 10 or 15 minute increments?  you have to tell us that "there are 13 SHORT shopping minutes left!"?  it makes you sound pissy as an employee.  and you probably are pissy, but i don't care, and i don't need to know about it.  it's rude.  along with this, i also love the statement that "the registers will close automatically!"  that mess is NOT true.  don't say it.  because that statement makes me want to test you....to stay 15 minutes past close of business, and then buy my stuff.


2) i know you want to go home.  i know you've worked hard, and you're straightening crap, and you want me to make my purchase and leave.  but don't suddenly act all helpful, when you are never helpful in the first place.  in my area, target is the worst offender.  while not outright rude, i have never, ever, no not even once, been approached by a target person asking if i need help, or am finding everything i'm looking for.  until about 30 minutes prior to closing.  then, sales associates who have studiously ignored you at every turn (which is fine with me), suddenly get all in your face with the helpfulness.  it's a lot annoying.  and totally transparent.  i know you weren't helpful before, so don't try to play sincere little helpful person now.  we know what that's about.

so, if you see me in a store, about 30 minutes before close, carry on as normal.  if you make an annoying announcement, or an insincere offer of help, i might smack you.

xoxo and all that sappy crap,

mrs. awesome

I heart The Gap, but not its employee. He's an (insert word of your choice for jerkiness here).

let me first say, i love the gap....well, at least i love them more than other retailers that are selling hooker clothes for children.  for the most part, the gap sells age-appropriate items.  some of them are even cute.

what i don't love about the gap is the crazy amount of promotions.  they're constantly switching the sales, and creating "online only" promotions.  you really have to watch them, and often re-purchase, to make sure you've gotten the best deal.  so, at any given time, i have gap returns in my car, waiting to be returned to the store.   

there is a sales associate at my gap, and he is 100% rude, 100% of the time.  i have always been polite to him, and always have my returns ready and unworn, with the receipt, in the proper time frame.  so, i go to gap, and inwardly groan when i see this sales associate at the register.   after waiting in a long line, i politely tell him i have an online return.  

gap boy: "do you ever keep anything that you buy online?"  (laughs snarkily)

me: "pardon?"

gap boy:  "i just meant that this is a lot to return."

me:  "really?  because i bought 2 different sizes of a sweater, and kept the one that fits.  this one was too large.  i'm not sure why that matters?"

gap boy: "i'm just sayin'." (eye roll)

meanwhile, he's done NOTHING to process the return, and there's a line of people waiting to be helped.

me:  "you know, every time i've come to this gap, you are rude.  it doesn't matter whether i'm purchasing or returning.  you are consistently rude, and i'm tired of it." 

gap boy: "i was just kidding. don't be so sensitive."  (eye roll)

me: "if you can't manage basic politeness to customers, then i will call corporate customer service, on my cell phone, right now, with you.  and i am NOT kidding."

when the people in line behind you clap and laugh after that statement, you know they can't stand his rude butt either.   i can have patience, but i don't have THAT much patience.....and i don't tolerate rudeness. period.


so, go ahead. be that person who says what everyone else is already thinking.  it's quite freeing.

xoxo and all that sappy crap,

mrs. awesome

Why adults need to admit crap, a.k.a. time to pull up your big girl panties

the first thing you'll notice about me is that i refuse to capitalize.  yes, you read that correctly.  i'm not a great typist, and i kind of have a love-hate relationship with the "shift" key.  pressing that crap irritates me.  i do, however, love me some punctuation.  and i promise i know the difference between "your" and "you're".   now on to the daily dose...

do you ever wonder when people make stupid suggestions/statements, if they realize the stupidity, or are they just too embarrassed to admit what they said is stupid? everybody gets irritated, or sometimes say something in haste, but if you leave your stupid statement out there, i usually just end up deciding you really *ARE* that stupid.  better yet are the people who defend the stupid statement, holding on to it like a drowning man to life raft.  those people not only look stupid, but impossibly dogmatic.  better to be like my daughter....admit that mess and move on.  she rats herself out constantly.

me: "why is your thomas train in the toilet?  did you accidentally drop him?  or did you do that on purpose?"

daughter: "i put him in there."

me: "you knew that was naughty, right? it makes your trains yucky."

daughter: "yes, i knew.  i just wanted to anyway.  you can discipline me now."

if a 2-year-old can admit her actions and take responsibility, i'm thinking it's time for adults to pull up their big girl panties and claim the unfiltered crap that comes out of their mouths.


 here's hoping for fewer conversations with idiot adults and also mounds of patience for...well, everything.   i now have to go check the toilet.  it's too quiet around here for anything good to be happening.

xoxo and all that sappy crap,

mrs. awesome